


Shoot Me!

by ParanoidActivity



Category: Jake and Amir
Genre: Gullyshipping, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-05
Updated: 2013-06-05
Packaged: 2017-12-14 01:00:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/830873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ParanoidActivity/pseuds/ParanoidActivity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I slowly lowered my hand, unable to shut my mouth as I continued staring at him. My fingers were on that trigger… I actually had considered pulling that trigger… "You… You were going to make me…" </p><p>"What? Shoot me?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shoot Me!

**Author's Note:**

> Angsty, mentions of depression and also fluff. Set after that one episode where Amir tries telling Jake to shoot him, telling him to trust that there's no bullets in the gun.... When there was.

"There was one bullet in it, okay? Sue me." Amir shook his head, glaring at me with thinly slit eyes.

I slowly lowered my hand, unable to shut my mouth as I continued staring at him. My fingers were on that trigger… I actually had considered pulling that trigger… "You… You were going to make me…"

"What? Shoot me?" He scoffed and sat back in his chair nonchalantly, as if there wasn't a bullet hole in the ceiling. "You'd never forget me if you had."

"I almost… I could have killed…" I trailed off my sentence, not wanting to finish. Running a hand through my hair, I suddenly gained esteem in a flood of emotion. "Give me the fucking gun!"

"Why? There's no bullets left in there. I already told you-"

"YOU'RE SUICIDAL!" Memories of Amir started flashing through my head, as if my life was passing before my eyes. Losing him, losing all the shit that he'd ever done to me, losing…

"Really, though…" His face lowered and a snarl formed on his face. Eyeliner making him look more sinister than usual… "I was thinking of pulling the trigger on you." Those dark eyes looked back at me, no amusement in them.

"That's seriously fucked, man!" I take a step backwards, risking a glance towards Pat… Listening to music, unaware of the gun shot.

"But I can't kill you, Jake." His expression didn't change, but when I looked back into his eyes, I felt something. "I could never live with myself. That's my problem." He lifted the gun and tapped it on his temple twice. "There's no point in both of us dying, is there."

"There's no point in either of you dying." Streeter's voice came from a few feet away, but neither Amir nor I dared to look.

"Fuck off, fat ass." Amir stood up again, pointing the gun at me. I start trembling again, staring down the weapon.

"Don't." It's all I can say.

The gun is held in both of his hands now and he makes his way around our desks, keeping it pointed at me. "Into the conference room, beautiful, we have some talking to do."

We walk slowly, my hands lifted to be level with my face and Amir keeping the gun at the back of my neck. Streeter ran off, probably to call the cops.

Hopefully, anyway.

When we arrived in the conference room, he slammed the door shut with his foot and locked it behind him.

"Amir… You don't want to do this."

"I know, ok?" He leaned against the door and looked off to the side, lowering the gun. After a moment of silence, he closes his eyes and sighs. "I'm going to jail, aren't I?"

"Give me the gun." I say as calmly as I can, dropping one of my hands to hold it out. "Please. We can get you out of this. We always do."

He opens his eyes again to give me that look. That dark, cold look, with an added smirk. "But now you know I'm dangerous."

"I've always known that." I take a deep breath and swallow hard, trying to fight off the oncoming nausea. "You've never had a weapon before." This isn't the Amir that I had come to know… Sure, he had random outbursts sometimes, but… Jesus Christ, what was this?

Suddenly, I remember the first time I met him. The way he looked up at me and smiled. It was a true smile… A smile that said 'You're everything I wish I was.' How did I not see that? Introductions were short, but I sat across from him.

If Amir was obsessed with anyone before me, my coworkers had failed to say it. It was only me. He changed because of me. He went from that kinda-innocent moron to this... this… Insane…

"I was going to kill you, you know."

"You've already s-said that." Slip of the tongue and I knew he could feel my fear.

He took a step toward me, gun in hand, "I couldn't do it." He shook his head and I saw the Amir I knew before. "I couldn't hurt you. But Jake…" And the old Amir left as fast as he came, "I wanted to. Part of me hates you. Hates you for how bad you've treated me."

Badly. Not bad. "Amir…" I hold my hands up again and take a few steps away from him, as he steps closer.

"And it's only gotten worse since we've moved here." The gun is pointed towards my stomach and I close my eyes. "I just don't get it! There are days you break my ribs, tell me you hate me, tell me what an idiot I am and that I should just die in a hole somewhere in Egypt."

"I never said that." I step back as he steps closer, until I'm against a wall.

"Then there's days that you act like you care about me. You pretend you care if I get hurt… But then you go and break my ribs!"

"I told you, I'm sorry about that!" My voice hitches as he presses the gun to my throat.

"You aren't! You never are! You make me cry one day and then just expect me to still love you the next and I DO! I hate it!"

"Wh-what?"

"I couldn't kill you. But if I killed myself, you'd convince yourself that it wasn't your fault. Then you'd move on with your perfect little life like I never existed." The gun is shaking in his hands and his eyes are filled to the brim with tears.

"Perfect life? Do you think I have a…"

"Shut up! It's a lot better than mine!"

It's the worst feeling in the world… to want to hug someone who's holding a gun to your throat. "It doesn't have to be." I lower my hands to my side and look down at him… The tears are now falling down his face.

"Put your hands back up!" He takes a step back.

"It can get better Amir… But every time I tried to help you, you wouldn't cooperate."

"KILL ME!"

I don't know what expression I have on, but I know that my mind went blank. "N-no?"

"Kill me! That way you'll never forget me! You'll never forget what you did to me and you'll never… never forget me!"

He drops the gun to cover his face and I immediately kick it out of his reach. I run my hands through my hair again. Control. I finally have control of the situation.

Wrapping my arms around him, I let him sob into my shoulder. His fingers gouge into my sides, but I bear it for his sake. "It's okay, buddy. We're going to work through this together."

"Don't bother!" He yells into my shoulder, his small frame trembling against my body. "You'll just turn around and throw me in the streets again… You're a cock-tease to my heart."

I tighten my grip around him and shut my eyes. Usually, I'd call him out on such a repulsive phrase… but it's affecting me like no words have ever affected me before. The only thing I can do is whisper his name against his ear, in hopes of calming him down a bit.

He pulls his fingers from my sides and wraps them around my waist so quickly, I'm temporarily winded. "Jake… Everything's going bad. Everything's… gotten so bad… I don't want to live…" I open my eyes at this, "My apartment is gone, Leronna is dead, Leron won't talk to me… And you… You…"

"I love you." I said it before I even knew I had.

Amir is suddenly frozen in my arms, "What."

I can't say anything else. I don't know what I would say, even if I could.

He pushes away from me and looks directly into my eyes. I don't try and read his expression, instead studying the way the flesh around his eyes was swollen and his lips were parted. I feel bad when looking at him. I always feel bad when looking at him. I know his life hasn't been easy….

But it's not even about that anymore. Maybe a part of me knows what he's going through, every time he tries to get close to me. Hell, maybe I even know what it is to lash out at someone you care about.

No, I definitely know what that's like.

God, I'm a jerk.

"Jake?"

I lower my face to his and plant a soft kiss against his bottom lip. If he love-loves me, then he'll be okay with this. If he doesn't…

I don't get to finish that thought before Streeter and Ricky burst through the door.

"He's right… uh. … Oh."

I pull my face from Amir's and face the two. I sigh when I don't see police around.

Ricky glares up at the shocked Streeter. "It's just another Amir thing. Go back to work." Our boss turns to Amir and I, just as he sets his head against my chest. "Amir, if you're going to cause a drama twice in a week… just do it once. If you're going to cause a drama twice in a week… just do it once." He rolled his eyes and slammed out the door.

I shake my head and get back to what I was working on before. I grab Amir's shoulders and gently pry him from my chest. "You can move in with me now, okay? Even if it takes a while to get back on your feet."

x0x

He looked over to the gun, eyeing it in an almost-fond way. I put a hand on his cheek and turn him to face me again, setting my forehead against his. "I'll work on being nicer, if you work on being…"

"Normaler?"

"….. Yeah."

Another short kiss happens between us, before he falls into my chest again, wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

"Jake?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you, too."

"I know."

"Promise you won't be mad if I say something?"

"Promise."

He turned his head towards the door, though still resting on me. It was silent between us for a few seconds before he spoke again, "I do nay feel any better."

Ouch.

"I think it takes a while to get out of depression."

"…. It's normal to want to see a doctor for this, then?"

"I think so."

He groans and scratches his cheek, where the tears had washed a trail of eyeliner down his face. "But I don't wanna see a doctor… at all. Ever."

I chuckle. "I don't care. It's only going to help."

We eventually make our way back out to our desks and I start making phone calls to potential psychiatrists that might be supported by our insurance. I keep looking over my computer, to see Amir sleeping with his head resting on his desk. The gun is in my desk drawer and only one ceiling tile had fallen. Things can go on semi-normal now.

I hope so, anyway.


End file.
